Hipster Fables

Pathetic moral lessons for an apathetic, amoral society.
New tales every Tuesday and Thursday.
Problems? I don't care. hipsterfables@gmail.com

tolerancerocks-deactivated20120 asked: What happened to the fables? As an aspiring hipster, I loved them. I also found this blog first.

I became apathetic, but now I’m starving for attention again, so who knows.

The Hipster Who Lost Her Glasses

      Ramona regretted almost nothing about her adventures at Bonnaroo. She did not regret the $145 total she spent on bottled water. She did not regret the badly drawn, yet meta-ironic, tattoo of Trollface that now adorned her left forearm. She did not even regret the terrible shrooms she consumed during Matt & Kim, resulting in her loss of three toenails and a close brush with the law. However, she did regret that she lost her horn-rimmed, vintage Oliver Peoples glasses (found in a thrift store and taped with a Band-Aid at the bridge). Ramona did not actually need the glasses; au contraire, she had 20/20 vision. However, refusing to let on that she was not, in fact, blind as a fucking bat, Ramona pretended that her parents bought Lasik surgery for her.
      Ramona sang the praises of Lasik to all of her friends, encouraging them to get the procedure done. “No more fingerprint smudges,” she raved. “Like, no more worrying about actually MATCHING,” she sing-songed. Finally, Asher, adjusting his own vintage Ray-Bans, interrupted her diatribe. “Dude, you look like a trixie,” he sniggered. “It’s alright, you can buy some nonprescripsies from, like, Hot Topic.”

"Misery loves company."

Adapted from Aesop’s The Fox Who Lost His Tail

No fables this week.

i’m busy doing things. you know, like writing a novel and learning to play depeche mode on the concert ukulele.